"Friends stand by each other..."

How far have I strayed? Who do I believe in?

I was hurt today. In so many ways. Pain from others. Inflicted and shared.

It all led to one conclusion. It opened my eyes in the midst of anger and frustration.

I want to run for Exco next year. I will try my best no matter the odds.

But what is it worth to me? What do I hope to achieve? Why do I want to run?

I've told a few people before. There was something I wanted to prove...

When i first spoke of joining TPSU Subcomm, a certain someone told me:

"I'd never make it. I didn't go to FOC/FOW."

At first I wondered... Why not?

He told me:

"I have no contacts."

Why should that have been a problem?

I soon realized what he meant the minute I stepped into Subcomm Orientation Camp.

Scythia... Kaistor... Zilra...

Cliques in general. Old lines were still drawn. Everyone stuck to the same friends they made in FO. It was an obviously segmented society. Where people belonged to a clique or not at all. They seem to have forgotten. We are Temasek Polytechnic Students' Union. NOT temasek Polytechnic CLIQUES' Union. We are one TPSU.

Despite that... I fought on. I slowly found myself a place I belonged. A place I called home. I had faith. Given time things would slowly die down between FO Empires and we could all just.. Just be REAL friends. A family. I was lucky. Not so many were able to find as many real friends as I did. Perhaps it's due to my tendency to not to hang around for too long with the same group of ppl. Read down in my blog. You'll notice. Different faces. Different smiles. Different memories.

But sadly... As Tat Yi told me before...

"We have 180++ subcomms(even some new ones now). I always see the same old faces at the lounge and events. What about the rest?"

He advised me then, late in sem 1.1 to reach out and pull ppl back in. I swear I respect him alot. He inspired me. So I set out to do it. My pool of pool students are a testament to that. I see a new face? I offer to teach em pool. Give them a reason to come to the lounge. Give them fun they could have while interacting with fellow subcomms. Give them my heartfelt friendship. I sayang them so much. I know their strengths and weaknesses. Their insecurities. I get to know them a lil deeper every game we play. It would give me great pride if one day all of them could beat me and say with confidence:

"Who wants to lose at pool?"

Back to the main point... Why do we only see the same old faces? Because the same old faces are always cooped up with their own cliques. Reluctant to take time and forge lasting friendships with others. I'm not pointing fingers but aside from names, what else do they really now about others? Their course? Perhaps where they live? Isn't that superficial? It amounts to nothing if you dont share lasting experiences and memories. It would hurt so much for them to forfeit a meal with their clique to share a meal with someone they hardly know. Still an exclusive community.


So that's what I'm trying to prove. TPSU is not a place where only cliques could thrive and find happiness. To achieve something like getting into Exco without one. I would have made my point. But it doesn't end there. In Exco I could reach out to more people. Push for a change. Kay lah... I've got my eyes settled on Social or Prezzie. So long as I can reach out and make a difference.

And that leads me to today...

I was seriously pissed and agitated since the day started for some reason. But it only got worse as the day progressed. Especially into the evening.

In chronological order.

To Claudine:

I need to apologize if I was rather harsh on u today. But, this has to end. We tend to say things that hurt each other at times. That's a risk with any friendship. So yeah. I want peace. I hope u dont hate me. Cuz i dont hate u. :)

To Kelly:

U could have met up with me sooner? So much more u could have done. I'm not being unreasonable. If u didn't want to sit alone... U could have found someone better than Brainer. That hurt me. U knew it would. Perhaps if you knew better, u'd know the many things u do these days that hurt me. U'd know why i was upset during Jam and Hop. Perhaps u'd even know how much I love u. That's why... I'll let it go. I wont force u into anything. I'll give u that respect.

To Lynette:

I believed in you. If anyone was capable and able to achieve what I've written above with me. It would have been u. Perhaps I was wrong. U have changed. I'm disappointed. I know... I've read ur blog. But... It doesn't change anything. In the LT... That side I saw of u was not mature. It kinda disgusted me. I know u were looking for any way the event could have been executed better. It was well intended. I'd have done the same. But... yelling at us? We were already moving. The look in ur eyes. U looked almost obsessed, caught up. U looked too eager to please. And I'd say I've been right on the money with the company ur keeping and ur attitude lately. Hence my reply: "We heard him the first time..."

Other things happened today... Went for sort of a hike before dinner. What's important was that I stood by my friends. Especially those that stood by me when I was in need. Thank u Mail. I know it should be the other way round. But I took away something important from that whole experience. Thank you for opening ur world to me. Thank u for ur friendship. It means alot to me :)

That sums it up. For now...

Take care people. ^^

Ciao~

"Friends stand by each other... True friends make friends at the same time."

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